Incontrovertible Proof: The Devil Exists
Go into your kitchen in the deep dark night, head towards what is probably the third draw down. Open it carefully. See the tin foil? The little plastic bags? The arbitrary things you bought in a fit of shopping like little ice-cube bags…
In that very same draw is a seemingly-innocuous roll of cling wrap. Or five. We all buy it. We all willingly and knowingly admit something that is clearly spawned by the devil into our homes.
Pick it up. You will see the nasty ragged little bits where unsuccessful attempts to use it have resulted in nasty little clumps of see-through plastic. Then attempt, go on, dance with the devil… to unravel it and use one single solitary little square to wrap anything. Yes – anything you like. A sandwich? A banana? The top of a plastic tub (funny how they always lose their lids). Watch as, no matter what you do, it curls and catches itself then stretches funny. You may need to call someone to stick their fingers in the tube so you can pull a square off properly.
Observe as it somehow and demonically reduces itself in a sticky mess to something you couldn’t use to wrap half a boiled sweet.
That experience my friend was brought about the devil. The devil invented cling wrap. Go forth now and throw every one of those mangled rolls of the crap out. Quick! Your life and sanity may depend on it.
Dusty Muffin said,
August 28, 2007 at 8:46 am
Hahahaha KC. This is the same draw that has a Tricky Dicky, one chopstick and an incomplete set of measuring spoons, right?
Great post – welcome back!
K Chasu said,
August 28, 2007 at 9:15 am
that’s the exact draw! mine also has midget-sized cheese graters that shred my knuckles if i don’t proceed with caution.
marijayn said,
August 28, 2007 at 9:29 am
Hey KC!
Congrats on your engagement and since I’m on the other side of marriage (the getting out side…) that’s all I’m gonna say about that!
You know all the nasty stories that circulate about para-oestrogens (or something like that)? About the fact that the male sperm count is decreasing because of the female hormones that are given to cattle and chicken etc to make them grow faster…? I’m almost certain I heard that glad-wrap emits similar nasties and that wrapping your food up in it is not a good idea. So there’s another thing to add to your list of why it is the spawn of Satan!
But in case that’s just an urban legend, here’s a piece of advice from my mother: If you take your gladwrap out of that third drawer down and keep it in your fridge, it becomes MUCH more usable. Sounds crazy I know but I’ve tried it and it’s true!
K Chasu said,
August 28, 2007 at 9:33 am
in the fridge?! I think not. It might breed and wrap itself around things i actually need to use.
Semisweet said,
August 28, 2007 at 9:59 am
Hahaha…this is funny. Good post KC
morticia said,
August 28, 2007 at 1:47 pm
hiya KC! false perkiness – still my obsessivecompulsivedoomdrownedmanic self!)
that sheeit is only a desperate measure – i now save all those lovely little plastic platters with lids from pick and pay that you buy the stuff you supposedly bake in? or the super cheap crazy store plasticky things – just not the kind with flowers on.
a paper plate on a dish while nuking it to smithereens in the micro – is the bomb.
all else… is wrapped in baking paper – my new favourite find.
ooorrrrr… there’s morti’s favourite solution: if you eat everything there is nothing left to wrap!
now where did i put those leftover chickpea patties?…mmmmm
K Chasu said,
August 28, 2007 at 4:30 pm
morti – i was trying to be a Good Mom. So I made their lunches. had to wrap the the sarmies.
never again. they can go to school like abused and neglected children from this day forth.
morticia said,
August 28, 2007 at 6:11 pm
KC – ten bucks and a hanfull of vitamins ought to do it! – so much easier!
*heads off to pack missy’s wee little scufftin with cute compartments – raisins, cheese, sarmies, juice…check!*
morticia said,
August 28, 2007 at 6:12 pm
D – as in Duh! hanDfull. sorry.
K Chasu said,
August 28, 2007 at 7:44 pm
i buy them all that stuff. it was just a passing moment. some errant maternal instinct.
i do the whole, nuts, fruit sarmies… but no juice. my little people ain’t getting a sugar overload even if it is ceres.
water.
Dusty Muffin said,
August 28, 2007 at 7:49 pm
Water?
At least with some sparkles I hope?
That reminds me. What came of Purple Dot’s reporting you to Childline for not having DSTV at home?
K Chasu said,
August 28, 2007 at 8:14 pm
purple dot has joined the rest of the world’s masses and suffers in silence.
dolce said,
August 29, 2007 at 9:52 am
*cackle*
Love it!