Bathing: An art form
Things necessary for a great soak in the tub:
Hot water
A good book
Bubbles AND oil
Soap
The trick with a bath is to make it as hot as you can bear. Get in when it is just deep enough to come past your crotch… turn down the water strength, but let the hot keep flowing in.
Recline.
Read book for 30 minutes.
Keep adjusting water with toes until it reaches the overflow, but if you still have hot water in the geyser – keep going. That’s what the overflow is for!
Spend four minutes scrubbing.
Remove self from bath, looking like a bright red prune, squeaky clean, before the water even remotely resembles cold.
Eureka! The reason SA does nothing about Zim
I know some of you are bored with the Zim thing, but please take some time to read this. I will not be posting much more about Zim on here.
I was taught well at school and one of the things I learned in history was that wherever there is a bad situation allowed to prosper: follow the money. See who is making a living off the thing or benefiting in any way and you will find the reason. The stomping of Nazi Germany, for example, had very little to do with human rights. It was only when Hitler began intruding on revenue streams for the Allies that things changed. So, now, back to Zimbabwe. South Africa financially benefits from the mess in Zim, in more ways than one.
First of all, South Africa is the primary beneficiary of all the shopping trips Zimbabweans of all classes make to get basics and luxury goods. The stats seem to show that this is almost R2 billion a year. Not a bad income for sitting around doing nothing.
Secondly, while Zimbabwe is in disarray and not exporting goods to its neighbours, South Africa has managed to mop up most of the southern African country’s import markets – those must be worth a fair bit. Zim low production from various sectors, also opens up global markets for SA to hold a bigger market share – such as mined and farmed goods. Large contracts, that could have once been bid for by Zimbabweans, are now gobbled up by South Africans.
Thirdly, there is the massive skill influx from Zim. I see that the SA Institute of Chartered Accountants has made it possible for 200 Zimbabwean accountants to work here and has, in fact, placed them in jobs. If this is true in accountancy, how do we know it is not true in other areas? I know, personally, several Zimbabweans who head up massive multi-national corporations. Yes, we deport Zimbabweans, but only the unskilled workers. Never the qualified and skilled people.
South Africa’s silence on Zimbabwe has nothing to do with political ties, cronyism or misplaced loyalties. It is about money, pure and simple.
My personal opinion on this is that it is a disgrace. Our ANC government really ought to behave better and hold human rights more close to its heart. But I am grateful to have finally found a logical reason for what appears to be absolute apathy and the tacit endorsement of a brutal regime.
Dischem’s loo paper and plucked chickens
I had a deeply disturbing conversation with someone yesterday. Call me a prude, but surely this is not fit for public consumption? We were sitting in the garden, Artist, his sister and a complete stranger when Artist’s friend, an older woman (like 55, who we will call Antoinette) arrived. Perfectly reasonable discussion ensues. Then it went like this:
Antoinette: “Do you use the Dischem pharmacy toilet paper?”
Artist: “No”
Me: “Why?”
Antoinette: “It dissolves when wet, I gave some to my daughter when she was crying and it stuck to her face, eyebrows – everywhere. There was more on her face than left in her hand.”
Me: “Single or double ply?”
Antoinette: “Double. But even worse is that I look like a plucked chicken when I use it.”
*nervous laughter from all*
Antoinette: “I didn’t even know. Bob (husband) was going down on me and he asked why I couldn’t get rid of the toilet paper that was stuck there.”
Come on blogbuddies! Grim.
A little in love with Lily Allen
So, my twelve year old presents me with a CD: “Mom – you have to listen to this…” I am concerned. Last time it was that vile specimen Christina Aguilera or *shudder* Pink. With trepidation I put the thing in the car CD player. It was love at first verse!
It’s unique, a strange combo of jazz, ska and rap. Plus she has the most interesting voice I have heard in a long time. Ya – Lily Allen can most definitely stay. The lyrics are drop-dead brilliant and you can’t get the tunes out of your head.
Long live Lily!
K Chasu’s Get Rich Quick Plan
It’s actually very simple. Loads of Mugabe’s henchmen (aka politicians) have kids at school/university in South Africa. All we have to do, blogbuddies, is kidnap them. The ZanuPF leadership has lots and lots of money – I am thinking R2m in ransom per kid as a minimum. Whatever you get in ransom money, keep half and send half to the MDC (pick a side Tsvangirai or Mutambara). With one kid you could pay off all your debts and help free Zimbabwe.
There is a list online somewhere of what kid goes to which school. Good plan huh? Nobody cares about the kids and, it’s all for the greater good anyway.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
OK – so I read this yesterday. Cover to cover. It’s the best Potter book she has written. Excellent! Not to worry, I won’t give away anything, but the story is totally gripping. Action is fast and Harry actually has a personality! Shock and horror… I have enjoyed all of them, but they got a bit formulaic. This one is not at all written to a formula and works fabulously.
Chenjera Zimbabwe!
July 20 2007. FLORIDA: Kennedy Space Centre:- News just in from the Seacrh for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence (SETI) project has astonished scientists. The four thousands dishes picked up a clear signal from space, but the chief data analyst at SETI, Lynne Newnham, has declined to divulge the coordinates. The message states:
“We will be visiting on August 15, 2007. We have been observing the situation in Zimbabwe, where we built the so-called Zimbabwe Ruins many thousands of years ago. We are appalled by the state the land is in. That building was put there with love, pride and by one of our architects who later went on to build on Tarus-17. To be frank, humanoids, we are highly irritated. The Incans felt our wrath when they started messing around too badly (see Mel Gibson’s Apocolypto). It annoys us deeply when we have to visit earth for this type of trivial nonsense. However, since we put you lot there in the first place, we feel a responsibility to keep things orderly.
P.S: We have our eyes on the Egyptians too. They keep urinating on our pyramids.”
Wackhead does Lovemore Sibanda
This has to be one of the funniest podcasts ever. Just click and go down a bit to the 17th of July. I nearly crashed my car on Tuesday morning when listening i was laughing so much.
http://www.highveld.co.za/podcast/podcast_whackheadswindow.asp
Miss Zimbobwe (pic)
Seeing that the Zim govt is claiming it has photographic proof of Pius Ncube doing the dirty with Mrs Sibanda, and photos cannot lie (they claim) I thought I would share this pic.
Photo Sharing – Video Sharing – Share Photos – Free Video Hosting
Tumbleweeds…
Oh well blogbuddies… this place is a ghost town. Alas there is no sign of a Clint Eastwood to come along and save the day. Boring does not even begin to cover the state of amagama.
It’s more fun over on the newzimbabwe forums. Lots of rabid little Zanoids. They get quite pissy when I ask them things like:
So, I am curious, this surgical replacement that happens with Zanoids (the one where they put your sphincter where your mouth should be) – is it done at birth, like a circumcision or do you opt for it?
When they do it, do they also change your bowel with your brain? I can see that is the only way to adequately explain the utter pooh that comes out.
Is the operation reversible or are you like this forever and will you require culling when the revolution comes?
